Scramble (1982, Konami)

"SCRAMBLE"

"SCRAMBLE"

"Enemy alert! Repeat, enemy alert! Astropilots,

man your aircraft -- and good luck!"

MAKE A MAD DASH

FOR SCRAMBLE!

"Captain Sharkfin!"

"Yes, Second Lieutenant Guppytail?"

"Sir, I understand I've only been at this station for an hour, but I have to state why our forces may be compromised."

"Good for you, Guppytail! Everyone, I want you to look upon the bravery of a soldier who isn't afraid to speak their mind if they feel it's for the benefit of the Glorious Space Air Armada. Go ahead, Guppytail."

"Well, sir, I don't think we're using our technology correctly. I'm not even certain this is technology."

"...I'm not sure I quite follow, Guppytail."

"Well, to start with, your own console is made of bristol board."

"Huh."

"Sir, have those jagged lines moved in all the time you've been here? Or those dots on the red circle?"

"Nonsense, Guppytail! They aren't meant to move. They're indicators of our advanced Air Armada fleet."

"That's another thing, with all due respect. Why are they called 'astropilots' and yet fly aircraft? Shouldn't it be spacecraft, since all our battles are outside atmospheric interference?"

"...Guppytail, what academy did you graduate from?"

"Sir, I was homeschooled on another world. My uncle is a commander who brought me into the militia."

"I see. Do you have any other... insights, Second Lieutenant Guppytail?"

"Actually, yes I do. Have you noticed the space-- err, I mean the aircraft that our astropilots fly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, sir, these are our brave warriors defending against an alien attack, and they're using state-of-the-art technological marvels that hone each experience the astropilots carry into an instantaneously-reflexive extension of self. I suppose the question I'm posing is: Why don't their control sticks have input on them?"

"..."

"I mean, look at the dashboard in front of them. It has several dozen buttons, dials, and blinkers. There's a gigantic heads-up-display in the middle that only displays gigantic words that tell the pilots nothing of the ship's armaments or of any viable telemetric data that could be used to counter enemy movements. Of all these design flaws, none of the functions that could assist these astropilots are accessible to their advanced reflexes. It's a red plastic ball on a stick. They have up, down, left, and right available to them. It just doesn't make sense, sir."

"Guppytail, could I have a private word with you?"

"I'm sorry, Captain? I couldn't hear you. These sparkly foam headgear things cover my ears and muffle everything. What did you say?"